A letter to my nephew and his new bride
1 Cor. 13 – I'm sure there have been scholars, preachers and saints all through the years who have explained this passage with great detail and flair. They've probably explained the meaning by studying the original greek language and examining it in the light of the rest of the letter, but I'm not a scholar, or preach and only qualify as a saint because the Word of God declares it so. I'm not intentionally trying to be original or clever, but as I studied the scripture this weekend in preparation for a reading of it at your wedding it really came to life for me. And, I hope you don't mind if I share what I've come to realize with you in light of your wedding.
You see, there's much disinformation about 'love' in our society. There's the definition of love as expressed in the 60's and 70's which was an open sexual expression. To 'make love' is still in our vernacular today. Love was an acceptance of those who wished to express themselves as being and acting differently from the constraints of society. Sexual promiscuity was said to be an expression of love and was celebrated as such. That was my generation. There is still a philosophy adhered to today that says love is the acceptance of those who wish to express themselves in any way they want no matter the consequence to them or society. Unfortunately, that's not love at all. Love sometimes says 'no, don't do that' because it is harmful. Love always seeks the best for others and that means protecting them from themselves and their unhealthy impulses.
There's the sentimental expression of love heard in our love songs. It could best be defined as an emotional feeling that is felt for someone and it's great when it's there, but if it's not you can leave that person in order to find another. This definition of love is erroneous and very harmful to the institution of marriage. One of the cornerstones of marriage is faithfulness, even during the times when you don't feel like you're 'in love'. Love, as the bible tells us never fails.
Which brings us to the bible verse,,,
The first section of the passage in my mind can be lumped together in one purpose. Verses 1-3 seems to be introducing the next few verses by saying “it doesn't matter who you are or what you accomplish in life, if you don't have love, what good is it?” It's like saying that having love is the most important thing you can strive for and that everything else is just dust in the wind. So, when you reach the end of your days and glance back you want to see a life that was expressed in love and self sacrifice. That should be the goal in life, being the expression of love. Are you a great orator? Love should still be your goal. Are you a preacher or are you a great scholar or thinker? Love should be your goal. Are you a mystical saint who can heal or express God's mysteries? Love should be your goal. Are you a volunteer who gives up their life in making other's better? Love should be your goal. If love is not your goal you have done nothing.
The second section really starts getting into the meat of the matter and starts letting us know what love really is. This section is the definition.
After reading this passage this weekend I realized how important this passage is to marriage and that everyone who marries another should read it regularly in order to examine themselves in the light of this 'light'.
I also realized just how little I express love in my own life. If these verses are the true definition of love, then I've come up woefully short. My wife and kids deserve much more from me than I have been willing to give them; I easily lose my patience and I'm often unkind; I often envy others for their gifts, especially my musician friends who seemed to have been blessed with more talent than myself; I find I often compare myself with others and wonder why they can't measure up to my stature; I can be rude and often want my own way; I don't have too much of a problem with anger, but I can remember when someone has wronged me from 20 years ago; I don't always defend the truth and laugh at some shows and movies that delight in evil. I sit here writing this and feel ashamed and hurt at how little I know about love. And I have renewed a deep desire in my heart to show my loved ones how love can be lived out instead of just talked about.
“Love is patient” - In the day-to-day passage of time there is no greater virtue than patience when living with another person. I must confess that I'm often guilty of a lack of patience. We've been married over 30 years and I can pretty well predict my wife's reaction to just about any situation. I often know exactly what she's going to say or ask me and when she fulfills my prophesy I react in a short terse manner than is rude and unnecessary. Patience values the normal and predictableness of others. Patience is not put-out with routine requests. Patience realizes that time is simply a perspective and not a master. Patience says “I know you very well and I know exactly what you're going to ask or say right now, but I just love the way you say it.” Patience is one of the highest expressions of love and was given it's position of importance in this passage by purpose.
“Love is kind” - Love treats the other with tenderness and views the other as more important than themselves. Love doesn't strike in anger or with impatience. Love understands that the inner part of a person is as fragile as a butterfly's wings, more valuable than any possession and must be treated with respect and tenderness in order for the recipient to fully grow as a person. Husbands should make it their goal in life to out-serve their wives; bring her unexpected gifts; treat her gently and softly without expecting anything in return; and boast about her to others as if he had married into royalty. Wives should look at their husbands as if they are built like Tarzan; are as brave as Indiana Jones; as resourceful as McGiver; and as handsome as Brad Pitt. They should remember that their husband is still 10 years old inside and hurtful words cut deep in their tender little hearts.
”Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” - I have to give an example of one who was the opposite of this section in order to explain how I feel about it. I have an uncle who grew up in the old south. Although I love him, I always saw him as a proud, boastful man who had little tolerance for anyone different than himself and who ruled his house sternly and forcefully. Now, he did show love to his wife and children, but he would quickly revert to this prideful attitude when in the presence of others that he wanted to impress. He would boast of his mechanical skills, his hunting skills, his bible knowledge and anything else that promoted him in the eyes of his listeners. And this show of pride and self-exaltation only diminished him in my eyes as a person.
On the other hand I had another uncle, Uncle Bub, who laughed often; showed great patience with others; was always interested in hearing about the lives of others rather than letting everyone know what he was about. He loved children and would stop whatever he was doing to listen and talk with them. He was a big man and I suspect that he was one who would have handled himself well in a fight. But, I knew him as a gentle, kind and happy man whom I loved to be around. He was the example of love I want to follow.
Love isn't concerned as much about itself, as it is in others. Love likes to listen more than it likes to talk. Love views others as precious gyms or as priceless treasures. Love says, “I already know enough about myself, I'd rather find out more about you. You are fascinating”.
Love is not rude - Man! If we could remember this and practice it in our marriages we would do well. We should never belittle our spouse before others, no matter how funny it may seem at the time. Men in particular have very fragile egos and their wives should be aware of that when talking to their girlfriends and especially in mixed company. Men should be in the habit of building up their wives in the the presence of others, boasting of their love and abilities, and should never belittle them.
Love is not self-seeking– Love is unselfish! Love goes the extra mile in service. Love strives to out-serve others. Love gets up early, prepares their own breakfast, works hard all day, comes home tired but does not insist on being waited on. Rather, love continues to serve the ones who are the most precious to them. Love cleans up the dishes; love fixes anything that's broken without being asked; love insists that others keep their seat while he/she gets them a cool glass of water. Love says, “I think you are the most amazing person I've ever met and I am amazed that you would want to live with me. What can I do to show you how much I appreciate you putting up with me?”
Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. - this seems redundant after what we've already seen, but in light of a marriage it demands to be repeated. All of us will get angry. All couples with disagree. Someone is going to hurt the feelings of the one they love. But when that happens someone has to take the initiative to say “I'm sorry”. Someone has to humble themselves and be the one who is wrong even though they may not feel like they are. And when you are wronged and hurt you have to forgive the other. You have to decide that they are more important than your opinion or your feelings. Everyone has their weaknesses and blind spots and you will sometime see your spouse's as a insurmountable obstacle, until you really take time to look at yourself and realize that your faults may be even greater. There's nothing abnormal or wrong with disagreeing with someone, even your spouse, but you have to somehow find a way to work through it and put it behind you. If you don't and if you let it ferment in your gut, you will end up hurting that person and sometimes to the point where your relationship can't be salvaged. So, never go to bed angry or without forgiving and working through the problem. If you have to miss a night of sleep, count it as a small sacrifice, because if you don't get it fixed before you go to bed you'll wake up 10 times angrier in the morning, if you ever get to sleep.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. - Love is kept strong by receiving love from the source. God is love; He teaches us to love and fills us with His love. We only really understand love when we love God and understand His love for us. And we see that love is nurtured and expressed by aligning ourselves with God's truth (His word) and guarding that word in our lives. We should protect the truth and guard it in our lives and in the lives of those we love. If we let our guard down we will be easily deceived and will open ourselves and others up to many hurtful and dangerous thoughts and philosophies. Stay on guard; encourage each other to seek only the truth and walk only in the truth because in the words of a song that was popular in the 70's “there's a lot of bad everywhere”.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - Love really does last. True love will stand the test of time and endure. Love protects their loved ones from anything and everything that can bring them harm. As a husband and a father I know that I would fight to the death if anyone ever tried to harm my wife or any of my children. And if I heard that someone had harmed them in my absence, they would have to deal with my wrath afterwards. I feel it is my right and duty to protect the ones I love. But, hopefully we are rarely put in the situation where we have to physically protect our loved ones. I think this verse has more to do with protecting them from the influences of evil and from lies. The verse above talks about how important the truth is, and now we see that we have to protect our loved ones from lies and half-truths. This can be more important in the long run than simply protecting them from physical harm. Man can destroy the body, but evil and lies can destroy the spirit, and that will exist forever. ”always trusts” - Love trusts their loved ones and is terribly hurt if that trust is ever broken. Trust is an essential part of any relationship and must be protected and maintained with great care. always hopes - Love only wants the very best for others and because our love is an expression of God's love it does not lose hope. always perseveres - Love does not fade. Feelings fade and will rise and fall like the tide, but love is like a mountain. It is solid and sure. It is a decision and not an emotion. It is an act of the will and not a just a flutter of the heart. Love is not best expressed in a song, it is best expressed in endurance. You say that you have love because you 'feel' it? I say we have love because we have stood the test of time.
And now we have to ask, are there ever reasons for divorce? Absolutely and without a doubt. Adultery is a sin that is hard to overcome and Jesus himself acknowledged that it could be grounds for divorce. Abuse, both physical and mental could be a reason to leave someone. There is no reason to live with someone who beats you down until you're no good for them or yourself. God intended for us to encourage one another, nurture and empower each other. He is not please when there is unnecessary pain or ill treatment.
But, remember, that there can and should be forgiveness, even if there can't be reconciliation. Don Henley put it as well as anyone when he said, “you keep carrying around that anger and it will eat you up inside”. Forgiveness is the center piece of love. It can seem almost impossible to do, but God's love can actually make it possible. Forgiveness does not mean you forget, because you won't. But forgiveness is an act of the will just as love is. If is seems impossible continue to bring to before God and ask Him for the grace to do it. He is full of mercy and grace and understands being wronged for doing nothing wrong.
Love never fails - “Trust in The Lord with all of your heart and do lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
You see, there's much disinformation about 'love' in our society. There's the definition of love as expressed in the 60's and 70's which was an open sexual expression. To 'make love' is still in our vernacular today. Love was an acceptance of those who wished to express themselves as being and acting differently from the constraints of society. Sexual promiscuity was said to be an expression of love and was celebrated as such. That was my generation. There is still a philosophy adhered to today that says love is the acceptance of those who wish to express themselves in any way they want no matter the consequence to them or society. Unfortunately, that's not love at all. Love sometimes says 'no, don't do that' because it is harmful. Love always seeks the best for others and that means protecting them from themselves and their unhealthy impulses.
There's the sentimental expression of love heard in our love songs. It could best be defined as an emotional feeling that is felt for someone and it's great when it's there, but if it's not you can leave that person in order to find another. This definition of love is erroneous and very harmful to the institution of marriage. One of the cornerstones of marriage is faithfulness, even during the times when you don't feel like you're 'in love'. Love, as the bible tells us never fails.
Which brings us to the bible verse,,,
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
The first section of the passage in my mind can be lumped together in one purpose. Verses 1-3 seems to be introducing the next few verses by saying “it doesn't matter who you are or what you accomplish in life, if you don't have love, what good is it?” It's like saying that having love is the most important thing you can strive for and that everything else is just dust in the wind. So, when you reach the end of your days and glance back you want to see a life that was expressed in love and self sacrifice. That should be the goal in life, being the expression of love. Are you a great orator? Love should still be your goal. Are you a preacher or are you a great scholar or thinker? Love should be your goal. Are you a mystical saint who can heal or express God's mysteries? Love should be your goal. Are you a volunteer who gives up their life in making other's better? Love should be your goal. If love is not your goal you have done nothing.
The second section really starts getting into the meat of the matter and starts letting us know what love really is. This section is the definition.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
After reading this passage this weekend I realized how important this passage is to marriage and that everyone who marries another should read it regularly in order to examine themselves in the light of this 'light'.
I also realized just how little I express love in my own life. If these verses are the true definition of love, then I've come up woefully short. My wife and kids deserve much more from me than I have been willing to give them; I easily lose my patience and I'm often unkind; I often envy others for their gifts, especially my musician friends who seemed to have been blessed with more talent than myself; I find I often compare myself with others and wonder why they can't measure up to my stature; I can be rude and often want my own way; I don't have too much of a problem with anger, but I can remember when someone has wronged me from 20 years ago; I don't always defend the truth and laugh at some shows and movies that delight in evil. I sit here writing this and feel ashamed and hurt at how little I know about love. And I have renewed a deep desire in my heart to show my loved ones how love can be lived out instead of just talked about.
“Love is patient” - In the day-to-day passage of time there is no greater virtue than patience when living with another person. I must confess that I'm often guilty of a lack of patience. We've been married over 30 years and I can pretty well predict my wife's reaction to just about any situation. I often know exactly what she's going to say or ask me and when she fulfills my prophesy I react in a short terse manner than is rude and unnecessary. Patience values the normal and predictableness of others. Patience is not put-out with routine requests. Patience realizes that time is simply a perspective and not a master. Patience says “I know you very well and I know exactly what you're going to ask or say right now, but I just love the way you say it.” Patience is one of the highest expressions of love and was given it's position of importance in this passage by purpose.
“Love is kind” - Love treats the other with tenderness and views the other as more important than themselves. Love doesn't strike in anger or with impatience. Love understands that the inner part of a person is as fragile as a butterfly's wings, more valuable than any possession and must be treated with respect and tenderness in order for the recipient to fully grow as a person. Husbands should make it their goal in life to out-serve their wives; bring her unexpected gifts; treat her gently and softly without expecting anything in return; and boast about her to others as if he had married into royalty. Wives should look at their husbands as if they are built like Tarzan; are as brave as Indiana Jones; as resourceful as McGiver; and as handsome as Brad Pitt. They should remember that their husband is still 10 years old inside and hurtful words cut deep in their tender little hearts.
”Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” - I have to give an example of one who was the opposite of this section in order to explain how I feel about it. I have an uncle who grew up in the old south. Although I love him, I always saw him as a proud, boastful man who had little tolerance for anyone different than himself and who ruled his house sternly and forcefully. Now, he did show love to his wife and children, but he would quickly revert to this prideful attitude when in the presence of others that he wanted to impress. He would boast of his mechanical skills, his hunting skills, his bible knowledge and anything else that promoted him in the eyes of his listeners. And this show of pride and self-exaltation only diminished him in my eyes as a person.
On the other hand I had another uncle, Uncle Bub, who laughed often; showed great patience with others; was always interested in hearing about the lives of others rather than letting everyone know what he was about. He loved children and would stop whatever he was doing to listen and talk with them. He was a big man and I suspect that he was one who would have handled himself well in a fight. But, I knew him as a gentle, kind and happy man whom I loved to be around. He was the example of love I want to follow.
Love isn't concerned as much about itself, as it is in others. Love likes to listen more than it likes to talk. Love views others as precious gyms or as priceless treasures. Love says, “I already know enough about myself, I'd rather find out more about you. You are fascinating”.
Love is not rude - Man! If we could remember this and practice it in our marriages we would do well. We should never belittle our spouse before others, no matter how funny it may seem at the time. Men in particular have very fragile egos and their wives should be aware of that when talking to their girlfriends and especially in mixed company. Men should be in the habit of building up their wives in the the presence of others, boasting of their love and abilities, and should never belittle them.
Love is not self-seeking– Love is unselfish! Love goes the extra mile in service. Love strives to out-serve others. Love gets up early, prepares their own breakfast, works hard all day, comes home tired but does not insist on being waited on. Rather, love continues to serve the ones who are the most precious to them. Love cleans up the dishes; love fixes anything that's broken without being asked; love insists that others keep their seat while he/she gets them a cool glass of water. Love says, “I think you are the most amazing person I've ever met and I am amazed that you would want to live with me. What can I do to show you how much I appreciate you putting up with me?”
Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. - this seems redundant after what we've already seen, but in light of a marriage it demands to be repeated. All of us will get angry. All couples with disagree. Someone is going to hurt the feelings of the one they love. But when that happens someone has to take the initiative to say “I'm sorry”. Someone has to humble themselves and be the one who is wrong even though they may not feel like they are. And when you are wronged and hurt you have to forgive the other. You have to decide that they are more important than your opinion or your feelings. Everyone has their weaknesses and blind spots and you will sometime see your spouse's as a insurmountable obstacle, until you really take time to look at yourself and realize that your faults may be even greater. There's nothing abnormal or wrong with disagreeing with someone, even your spouse, but you have to somehow find a way to work through it and put it behind you. If you don't and if you let it ferment in your gut, you will end up hurting that person and sometimes to the point where your relationship can't be salvaged. So, never go to bed angry or without forgiving and working through the problem. If you have to miss a night of sleep, count it as a small sacrifice, because if you don't get it fixed before you go to bed you'll wake up 10 times angrier in the morning, if you ever get to sleep.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. - Love is kept strong by receiving love from the source. God is love; He teaches us to love and fills us with His love. We only really understand love when we love God and understand His love for us. And we see that love is nurtured and expressed by aligning ourselves with God's truth (His word) and guarding that word in our lives. We should protect the truth and guard it in our lives and in the lives of those we love. If we let our guard down we will be easily deceived and will open ourselves and others up to many hurtful and dangerous thoughts and philosophies. Stay on guard; encourage each other to seek only the truth and walk only in the truth because in the words of a song that was popular in the 70's “there's a lot of bad everywhere”.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - Love really does last. True love will stand the test of time and endure. Love protects their loved ones from anything and everything that can bring them harm. As a husband and a father I know that I would fight to the death if anyone ever tried to harm my wife or any of my children. And if I heard that someone had harmed them in my absence, they would have to deal with my wrath afterwards. I feel it is my right and duty to protect the ones I love. But, hopefully we are rarely put in the situation where we have to physically protect our loved ones. I think this verse has more to do with protecting them from the influences of evil and from lies. The verse above talks about how important the truth is, and now we see that we have to protect our loved ones from lies and half-truths. This can be more important in the long run than simply protecting them from physical harm. Man can destroy the body, but evil and lies can destroy the spirit, and that will exist forever. ”always trusts” - Love trusts their loved ones and is terribly hurt if that trust is ever broken. Trust is an essential part of any relationship and must be protected and maintained with great care. always hopes - Love only wants the very best for others and because our love is an expression of God's love it does not lose hope. always perseveres - Love does not fade. Feelings fade and will rise and fall like the tide, but love is like a mountain. It is solid and sure. It is a decision and not an emotion. It is an act of the will and not a just a flutter of the heart. Love is not best expressed in a song, it is best expressed in endurance. You say that you have love because you 'feel' it? I say we have love because we have stood the test of time.
And now we have to ask, are there ever reasons for divorce? Absolutely and without a doubt. Adultery is a sin that is hard to overcome and Jesus himself acknowledged that it could be grounds for divorce. Abuse, both physical and mental could be a reason to leave someone. There is no reason to live with someone who beats you down until you're no good for them or yourself. God intended for us to encourage one another, nurture and empower each other. He is not please when there is unnecessary pain or ill treatment.
But, remember, that there can and should be forgiveness, even if there can't be reconciliation. Don Henley put it as well as anyone when he said, “you keep carrying around that anger and it will eat you up inside”. Forgiveness is the center piece of love. It can seem almost impossible to do, but God's love can actually make it possible. Forgiveness does not mean you forget, because you won't. But forgiveness is an act of the will just as love is. If is seems impossible continue to bring to before God and ask Him for the grace to do it. He is full of mercy and grace and understands being wronged for doing nothing wrong.
Love never fails - “Trust in The Lord with all of your heart and do lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
Comment
About
© 2010 Created by New Life Christian Church.
Powered by 
.
You need to be a member of New Life Christian Church | Douglasville, Georgia to add comments!
Join New Life Christian Church | Douglasville, Georgia